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A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with her left foot so I tied up her left to...

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What''s in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties...

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him...

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, if they're small enough. :bwuhaha:

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful 25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice a day" The young man says, "Well then why...

Happy Birthday, wherever you are. :)

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?'' "No," the farmer said. The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to...

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven. A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has...

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street...

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he...

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy. "I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me one dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you...

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds. "That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the...

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!" "What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."...

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to...

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym, his wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, ''Hey, Dave! How ya doin?'' His wife is...

WOMAN GOES TO HER DOCTOR'S OFFICE,TO DISCUSS A STRANGE DEVELOPMENT. SHE HAS DISCOVERED A GREEN SPOT ON THE INSIDE OF EACH THIGH. THEY WON'T WASH OFF, THEY WON'T SCRAPE OFF, AND THEY SEEM TO BE GETTING WORSE. THE DOCTOR ASSURES HER HE'LL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PROBLEM, AND TELLS HER NOT TO...

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner. "Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?" "Ja...

Last fall I purchased a used Mueller Climatrol shop furnace for my garage. This thing is built like a tank with cast iron burners and heat exchanger and was probably built back in the 60's or 70's. I have been pecking away at installing it and today it was ready to be fired up. It's set up to...