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Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They are gutless...

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, 'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!' Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, 'It reminded me of a peanut.' Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, 'Really small, was...

A man went to see his doctor. "You need to stop masturbating," the doctor said. The man asked, "Why?" The doctor replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, ''I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died." The man was very upset and yelled, ''You know...

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Wisconsin drivers apparently aren't heeding the message of one of America's biggest brewers, located in its own backyard. Nor are residents in some neighboring states. Miller Brewing Company of Milwaukee urges people to "Respect the Road." Wisconsin has the worst drunken...

Q: How many men does it take to screw a light bulb into a socket? A: One -- because men will screw anything. :shifty:

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When...

Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven was the minister of the SwedishCovenant Church across the road. One day they were seen pounding a sign into the ground, that said: 'DA END ISS NEAR! TURN YERSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!' As a car sped...

Why are New Yorkers always depressed? The light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey.

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head...

The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn't want anything special. When they asked if...

A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys." The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it...

A boy told his mom, "I couldn't sleep last night so I went into your room. Why were you jumping up and down on daddy?" His mom said, "Well dear, I was pushing the air out of him." The boy replied, "Oh then you're wasting your time. The lady next door blows him back up every day."

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father...

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny. He gets to the point where he can''t stand it anymore. So he decides to try and have sex with the...

What do you call a 100 year old man that can still masturbate. Miracle Whip. :bwuhaha: Hey 68, Fredericks of Arkansas.....:naughty:

Helga was hang the wash out to dry, and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning. ''Gootness, iss hot,'' she mused to herself as the sun beat down on her. She passed by a tavern and said, ''Vy nought?'' So she walked into the air conditioning and took a seat at the bar. "Bartender,"...